Always Gold
by ThisFeelsRealToMe
Summary: Paige's first day at Rosewood High turns out better than she expected. But as the newest member of the Sharks, can she live up to her father's high expectations and overbearing nature? Can Emily make her realise her true worth before her father destroys the Paige that her new friends have come to know and love? Paily AU.
1. Chapter 1

Paige dropped her duffle to the floor, the strap catching her earphones as it fell, ripping them almost painfully from her ears. As she winced at the discomfort, the sudden jolt back to reality hit her almost immediately. As she leant down to lock her bike the enormity of the day ahead started to build in her head again, she felt the familiar force of anxiety start to course through her body. She tried to shake it off.

"It's just one day, you just have to make it through today."

A mantra she practiced often. There were two things in life that calmed Paige, the first being her mother. She recalled her mothering whispering those words in her ear the first day she started high school. She remembered feeling the anxiety drain away, like a plug had been pulled. As the words left her own mouth though, today, and every other day, the effects were never quite the same no matter how much she willed them to help.

'Yeh and what about tomorrow, and next week, and the rest of your life? How you going to make it through them dumbass?'

Paige was stirred from her thoughts as she heard the door to the natatorium swing shut. She looked down at her watch, 5:32am, then around the car park. It was empty. She was convinced she would be the only one here at this time in the morning. After meeting with her new coach the previous week, her father had demanded that it be ok for Paige to use the pool out of training hours in order to, how did he put it?

"..Maintain her superior edge over the competition."

Paige remembered recoiling in embarrassment at her father's words. Coach had nodded politely in agreement and shook her father's hand as they both turned to leave. As Paige exited the office, she heard Coach Fulton clear her throat as if trying to grab her father's attention. He stopped and turned.

"As long as your daughter is part of this team and performs in the pool where it counts, she is welcome to train as often as 'you' want her to Mr McCullers."

Even from outside the office, Paige could almost hear her father's jaw clamp shut and his eyes narrow as Coach Fulton almost spat her words at him.

"Oh don't you worry about that Coach Fulton," her father retorted forcefully.

Paige bent down to grab her duffle and sighed as she headed for the pool.

"One day," she repeated to herself.

The second thing that calmed Paige was swimming. As she opened the natatorium doors, the smell of chlorine hit her nose and she felt a sense of peace wash over her. The pool was like an escape for her. Swimming lessons had been Paige's mother's idea. Paige had always been a tightly wound kid, easily agitated, struggling to find her place in the world. Swimming had focused her, calmed her. As soon as she hit the water, the outside world dissipated around her. She didn't need to hold herself up anymore; the water did that for her. It held her, comforted her, let her be herself. Let her float aimlessly, thrash violently, glide gracefully, haul herself through it powerfully. It didn't judge her, push her, expect anything from her. She was in control in the pool. And now it served as a constant reminder of her mother too. Her feelings for swimming were becoming severely conflicted lately though. After Paige lost her mom 2 years ago, her father had become less of a parent and more of a machine, pushing her well beyond her limits when it came to training. She became a project for him, of which failure was not an option. And it wasn't; Paige had excelled in the pool last year, outperforming everyone on her high school team and others across the state. But that wasn't enough for her father. He wanted more. He had transferred her to Rosewood, to swim for the Sharks, considered to be one of the best high school swim teams in the country.

And here she was. As she stepped inside the building the automatic lights flickered on, and suddenly the hallway was alive with Shark's memorabilia. Pendants and team photos lined the walls, a large glass trophy cabinet full to the brim stood out as a Shark's shrine, showing off the success of the team. It was too much, her father's expectations felt heavy on her as she made her way over to the cabinet. She breathed deeply, willing the familiar smell of the building to lighten her, curb the threatening anxiety again. But nothing took the edge off. Her eyes were drawn to the trophy that stood proudest in the cabinet. The stem of the trophy was the body of a female swimmer, the handles made from her arms raised above her head; the cup she held was engraved with 'State Champions 2012' and contained a team photo. As she studied the photo, she could see that it was candid. No one was looking at the camera. In the centre of the group, Paige recognised Coach Fulton, her smile proud and beaming. Something she was far from witnessing at their meeting last week. Next to her the team had raised a girl onto their shoulders as she held the trophy above her head. Paige focussed in on the girl. She noticed how her dark hair was swept to one side, how it fell gracefully over her shoulder, her eyes, bright and kind looking down at her team like they were her family, like they shared a bond only they understood, how her arms looked lean and strong, her upper body outlined by her swimsuit looked slim and toned. Paige was mesmerised. Her gaze travelled back to the girl's face, the grin she wore was infectious, and as the thought registered in Paige's mind, she felt a grin of her own spread across her face.

The moment was interrupted as once again she heard a door open. She jumped instantly at the unexpected sound, and she clumsily stumbled into the cabinet as she tried to turn to see where the noise had come from.

"Shit, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I just noticed the light on from inside the changing room. I'm usually the only one here at this ridiculous time in the morning. Are you ok?"

Paige instantly recognised the pair of kind eyes worriedly staring at her, trying the gauge an answer to her question, from the girl in the photo.

"Erm yeh…I'm fine," Paige spluttered as she turned slightly again, this time hitting the cabinet with her duffle slung over her shoulder, knocking it off her arm and emptying half of its contents onto the floor. "Shit, sorry," she cursed as she frantically bent down to grab her stuff.

'Smooth McCullers, smooth. Get yourself together you absolute twat of a human being. Why are you losing your shit? Oh yeh, because apparently you now turn to mush when there's a pretty girl in the room. Good luck with that one.'

"Shut up," she mumbled as she finally gathered her belongings, dropping her goggles twice before managing to shove everything haphazardly into her duffle. Realising that she had just said 'shut up' out loud she hastily stood up with the intention of apologising again, only to be met once again with those kind eyes and the warmest of smiles.

The stranger edged closer to her, offering out her hand.

"Let's start again shall we. Hi, I'm Emily. Emily Fields, captain of the Rosewood Sharks."

Paige, still flustered and panicked from the ordeal, extended her hand out to meet Emily's.

"I'm sorry. I mean shit…I'm Paige, I'm not sorry. I mean I am sorry, but that's not my name."

A lump formed in Paige's throat, she wanted the world to swallow her up, the day had only just started and already she wanted it to be over. She closed her eyes feeling dizzy with panic. Only for them to involuntarily open again as she felt Emily's hand slide into hers. It rested against her palm with ease as if it had done so a thousand times before. Where Emily's skin touched hers, a warmth started to spread through Paige, pushing back the panic and anxiety that was threating to engulf her.

'Woah,' was all her mind could fathom.

"Well it's really nice to meet you Paige, not sorry."

There were 3 things in life that calmed Paige. Her mom, swimming, and apparently Emily Fields.


	2. Chapter 2

"Paige McCullers right?"

Paige looked up from where her hand was still palm to palm with Emily's, unaware of how long she had been staring down at their connection. She reluctantly ended the gesture, not wanting the moment to become awkward. Her hand tightened into a fist as she put it in her pocket, less an act of frustration and more an attempt to capture the warmth and calm that she had felt, committing the sensation to memory.

"Erm yeh, how did you…" Paige began, trailing off as her voice began to waver.

"Coach Fulton told me you would be joining the team this year, I just didn't realise you would be joining this early in the morning," Emily joked.

Out of nowhere, Paige felt a laugh escape her lips. Feeling embarrassed by her outburst, she looked down, the hand that wasn't shoved in her pocket, now awkwardly fiddling with the strap on her duffle bag. Silence filled the space between them.

'Will you just act like a human being for 5 minutes and use proper sentences. Jeez, how do you even make it through the day?'

"My dad, he…erm…" Paige stuttered.

'Good one superstar, she now knows your name and that you are probably mentally retarded!'

Paige forced herself to look up. As if they were being drawn involuntarily, her eyes met Emily's. She hadn't expected to be greeted with such a tender and inviting stare. When she stuttered and fumbled her words around her father she always tried to avoid his gaze. His eyes always able to convey the disappointment he felt.

The calmness Paige had felt when their hands had touched returned now as she held Emily's stare. She felt her fidgeting hand relax on the strap of her bag.

"My dad's pretty strict; he pretty much has me in the pool whenever I'm not in school or studying. He has this whole regime for me outside of team training, 5:30am laps being part of it. I was kind of hoping for the morning off today, but I suppose it being my first day here doesn't factor into his plans."

Paige noticed a slight change in the expression on Emily's face, her eyes were still warm and inviting, but she now looked slightly concerned. Mentally berating herself for probably revealing too much about her father, she forced a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Anyway, what's your excuse?"

"Let me show you." A grin spread across Emily's face as she spoke. Paige instantly recognised it as the same grin she saw in the photo in the trophy cabinet. Once again, it was impossible not to mirror the smile herself.

Emily excitedly stepped forward and grabbed Paige's arm, pulling her towards and through the double doors in front of them. Paige clumsily followed behind, concentrating more on where Emily's hand was rather than where she was being dragged. All of a sudden she felt herself come to a crashing halt, bumping hard into the back of Emily. As she went to apologise, her senses became overwhelmed by the figure in front of her. The chlorine was now replaced with Blueberry, every inch of her skin that was in contact with Emily immediately formed goosebumps, her own shallow breathing became drowned out by Emily's relaxed breaths, her eyes slammed shut, not being able to handle the proximity to the dark haired beauty.

"Paige! I'm so sorry, are you ok?"

'Erm dude, you may want to say or do something…like open your eyes. That would be a good start!'

It wasn't the ever annoying voice in her head that brought Paige round, it was the silk like touch to her cheek. Her eyes slowly opened to see that Emily had turned around and was giving her the most concerned look as her hand gently caressed Paige's cheek.

Paige felt her body relax. With every stroke of Emily's hand the tension that had built from moments ago when Emily had invaded her senses began to dissipate.

"I'm good" She smiled. "Really," she assured as she watched Emily's eyebrows rise quizzically.

Emily dropped her hand from Paige's face, and reached for her hand.

"Here, this is what I wanted to show you."

Paige took a deep breath as Emily gently led her to the edge of the pool. Paige stood and watched Emily beside her. She could see her shoulders drop, her chest rise and fall slowly, with every strong, deep breath.

'Checking out her chest? Nice one Paige!'

She quickly averted her stare, looking up to Emily's face. Her eyes were closed, her face relaxed as if she was completely oblivious to anything and anyone around her. Her features were soft and slightly illuminated by the underwater lighting. Paige wanted to freeze the moment. She couldn't remember a time when she had seen anything more beautiful than what she was witnessing right beside her. She almost felt like she was invading the moment Emily had created for herself.

She felt herself become slightly agitated by the thought, only for the feeling to subside as soon as she felt a slight squeeze on her hand. She closed her eyes and turned her head towards the pool. Minutes passed as they both stood in comfortable silence. As she inhaled ,a perfect mix of chlorine and blueberry swept through her, it was intoxicating, addictive even. She didn't want it to end, as if the scent was a lifeline, a buoyancy aid keeping her head above water. Stopping her from losing herself, giving up, letting her mind take control. She felt a wave of relief course through her as she realised that for the past few minutes she had felt free. Free from her infuriating and belittling sub conscious, free from her father's expectations and constraints, free from the unbearable loss that came from her mother's death.

"This is my sanctuary. It's like the calm before the storm. You know that moment just before a race starts, when you're on the blocks, your skin is aching for the cool rush of the water against it, the smell of chlorine makes your head rush with anticipation? And all you can hear…"

Emily stopped, as if trying to gather the right words to express everything she was feeling. Paige heard a frustrated sigh.

Paige opened her eyes, looking out over the pool. "All you can hear is your own breathing, the thud of your heart in your chest. There's no outside noise, not from the crowd, from the coach, from anything. There's no interference, like there is a barrier between them and you. It's just you and the water."

"Yes!" Emily exclaimed excitedly. "That is exactly it. I thought it was just me who got that. That's why I come here at 5.30 in the morning. This is the closest I can get to that moment without actually being in it."

Paige felt Emily turn to look at her. She couldn't bring herself to look away from the pool. She felt exposed. For the first time In her life it felt like someone else got her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Note:**

So I thought that I should add that the characters used in this fic belong to Pretty Little Liars, none of which I own.

Thank you for those of you that have reviewed. This is definitely a Paily fanfic, but will probably be a bit of a slowburner, whilst I try and piece together a decent enough story worthy of them both.

"Can I tell you something?" Paige heard Emily ask. "In fact can I tell you two things?"

They were now sitting on the edge of the pool, both with their legs dangling in the luke warm water.

"Sure," was all Paige replied with. Her eyes were transfixed on the water. She still couldn't look at Emily. She felt like she had shared part of her soul with her, and other than her mother, there wasn't anyone else that had understood what the water meant to Paige.

"Okay so firstly, I've never told anyone that before. I don't think anyone else would understand. Which leads me to the second thing I want to tell you. There's kind of a reason why I felt I could share that with you. So this isn't meant to sound creepy or anything, but I am a huge, and I mean huge fan of yours."

As Emily spoke those words, Paige's fixation with the water ended and she couldn't help but look at the girl beside her. Paige watched as Emily dropped her hand into the pool, scooping up at handful of water and letting it drain through her fingers.

"You're pretty famous around here McCullers. 4 times individual and team state champion? News like that travels fast. Coach has had us watching various videos of you racing since freshman year, trying to inspire us, motivate us. I must have watched the video of you anchoring and winning the relay at the last state champs a thousand times. You make it look easy."

Paige couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. The team knew who she was, Emily knew who she was. Knew her reputation, had seen her swim.

"The last time I watched the footage I watched it in slow motion. I could see your body relax on the block, the slow, deep breaths you took, the way you seemed solely focused on the race, nothing drew your attention away from the water in front of you. I'd never seen anyone else behave like that before. At my last race I remember standing there, closing my eyes and relishing in the fact that there was someone else who got it. Got that it isn't just about racing, or winning. It's more than that. It's about being in the moment, knowing that you are in control. Making that connection with the water, but not abusing it, not fighting it, but letting it become a part of you."

Silence fell between them. Paige was speechless. She felt like Emily had some secret key that unlocked her thoughts, like she was an open book for Emily to read.

"Are you creeped out? Oh god I've totally creeped you out. Was it the slow motion thing?"

Paige continued to sit quietly. Despite everything that was going on in her head, she couldn't help but enjoy Emily's moment of fluster. For a second it was nice not to be the flustered one.

'You wana say something there McCullers before she has a panic attack and passes out?!'

Paige reached towards Emily's arm, placing a hand there hoping it would calm her, the same way Emily had effortlessly done for her. Although she doubted beyond reason that Emily knew the extent of what Paige had felt when she touched her, she offered the gesture none the less, hoping that she could at least convey to Emily that she should relax.

"Hey, I'm not creeped out at all. I don't know what to say but I'm definitely not creeped out."

'Three cheers for Paige, the most verbally inept creature to walk the earth.'

Paige took a second, closed her eyes, and let her senses calm her again; the feel of Emily's soft, warm skin under her hand, the blueberry, the chlorine, the quiet. She let go of Emily's arm and braced the edge of the pool with both hands.

"When I was 6 my mum took me to our local pool for the first time. I remember not wanting to get into the water, thinking that it was going to swallow me. So my mum sat me in the bleachers and said that it was okay if didn't want to go in, that I could just sit and watch. So I did. I watched as she walked round to the deep end, pulled her goggles over her eyes and gave me a smile before diving in. I stood up and panicked instantly when I saw her disappear, thinking that the water had swallowed her like it would have swallowed me and that she was gone. And then, like magic she appeared, and started moving through the water. As she swam, the uneasiness that I first felt disappeared just like that. Then all I remember thinking was that the water didn't look scary at all when my mom was in it. I watched her swim laps, feeling more a more mesmerised each time she passed me until it reached the point when I wanted to be in the pool with her. I walked over to the edge and she helped me in. She made me lie on my back, I could feel the warmth of her hands under me but she wasn't holding me, the water was. I laid there for ages, feeling the water surround me; I was totally zoned out to everything and everyone, just me, my mom and the water. When I'm around water I just feel different, I feel like me, and like nothing outside of the pool matters. When I'm on the blocks, time outside the pool just stands still. All I can focus on is the water, the feel of it against my skin, wanting to move through it as seamlessly as possibly, channelling everything I think and feel into each stroke."

'Holy crappola, get me a tissue, I think I'm going to cry! When did you turn into such a sap superstar?'

Paige was about to apologise for what she had said, but Emily spoke first.

"Your mom must be pretty proud of you, of how far you've come?"

Paige wasn't sure if it was the sincerity in Emily's voice or having opened up to her, someone she had only just met; but she felt the sting of tears threaten to ruin her resolve. She hadn't spoken about her mom in such a long time. Her Dad practically recoiled at the mere mention of her. Paige was an only child, her mom had been her best friend growing up, they shared everything. When Paige finally realised she was gay, the first person she told was her mom. She had been scared to death, worried that it would ruin the relationship they had. But her mom never batted an eyelid, as if she had been expecting it.

As if sensing Paige's reaction, Emily stood up. Paige looked up and watched as Emily unzipped and shook off her hoody and removed her vest top, revealing the top half of her Shark's swimsuit. She quickly lost her tracksuit pants and reached down and grabbed both of Paige's hands, pulling her to her feet. Before Paige knew what was happening, Emily had launched herself into the pool. Keen to feel the water around her, Paige quickly relieved herself of her clothes. She watched as Emily resurfaced, a smile forming on her face when she realised Paige was on her way to join her.

Paige couldn't remember the last time she entered the pool without doing her pre swim ritual. Stretches, breathing exercises, mental coaching; all enforced upon her by her father. Everything about their relationship and interaction these days was so regimented. How her practices went, how her times were, what she ate, what her grades were like. Everything was so formal, and she couldn't help but think as she let herself dive freely into the pool, that she was just going through the motions.

As she hit the water, all thoughts of her father, of his overbearing nature, constant demands, dissolved as if they were sugar in a cup of coffee. The taste lingered but it was all background noise.

When she resurfaced she could see Emily treading water a few meters from her. She watched as Emily made her way over to her, her movement in the water confident, her body strong and lean, her hair flowing around her like silk.

'Oi dipshit, you do realise it is an asylums worth of insane to crush on a girl 30minutes after meeting her yeh?'

"Hey," Emily smiled as she stopped just in front of Paige, gently grazing her arm in an attempt to pull Paige back from wherever her mind had taken her.

"So did you know that this is a saltwater pool?"

As Emily spoke, Paige watched as the swimmer laid back into the water, letting her arms and legs float to the surface.

"So there is a chlorine generator which uses dissolved salt from a process called salt water chlorination, to produce free chlorines. The excess salt in the water makes the water denser than that in normal chlorinated pools. And because objects float better on a denser surface this pool is better than most to float around in."

Paige felt herself relax and lay back, letting her limbs become weightless, her body floating easily in the warm water. She felt movement beside her and noticed Emily had returned to treading water. As she laid there, looking up at the ceiling of the natatorium, an overwhelming wave of nostalgia engulfed her, as memories of her first time in a pool with her mom came flooding back all over again, only this time with the water touching her, the memories felt a hundred times more real.

"My mom…she died."

All of a sudden she felt a pair of warm hands under her back, as if they knew that she was about to lose control and sink to the bottom.


End file.
